The apple of truth

As I bite into the apple of truth
the juices overflow
tasting sweet
sending peace down my whole body
tranquility and serenity
humming right through my heart
This is truth I yearn

My imagination

I lay down and I imagine
Imagine myself
perfectly, beautifully happy

I walk through beautiful gardens
filling my eyes with the beauty of Allah's work

enchanted by serenity
enchanted by the beauty
each step I take in that garden

I feel nothing but salaam
I feel my eyes filled with pureness
I feel my limbs moving gently
not a single movement done in stress
only in peace .

All this I imagine only in my mind
it's my escapism
I know this is what it is like
in paradise
except far better .

I imagine feeling nothing
no fear
no worries
no anxiety
just peace humming through my soul

I imagine it's all OK
I imagine I'm strong
I imagine none of what is happening at this present time is happening

I keep holding to my imagination
of a bright light
I try walking towards the light
but I feel reality stands in my way
asking Allah
is this how its meant to be ?
is this the life ?
was I born in anxious state ?
subanallah
subanallah
subanallah
I leave that for you to contemplate .

My past actions

As I entered the green carpeted house after fours years
I finally had the courage to enter that door of the future
who knows what knocking on that door would bring me ?
perhaps happiness
perhaps sadness
only Allah knows
frankly speaking I didn't care I just knew this had to be done
regardless of the consequence
I brought this upon myself now I have to deal with it

one things for sure I just knew I had to take that first step
to break the ice with my parents
the thought of how they may react makes me feel sad
again it is your fault
but I cant spend the rest of my life saying
'what if?'

theirs many choices in life we make
sadly we have to bear the brunt of the consequences
I got myself into this mess and now I have to get myself out
No were to run
No way to wriggle myself out of this
it has to be done with honesty
straightforwardness
understanding

I can choose to run
for how long ?
I must take responsibility for my actions
its time for my reckoning with my parents
with my family as a whole
life's to short to let past actions haunt us

So I knocked on that door
and entered that green carpeted house for the first time in
four years
my sister let me in with a smile
she led me into the living room
I sat on the leather sofa
I looked around and saw pictures of my family
then I saw a school picture of me
I was surprised to see my school photo up their
with the rest of my other siblings
it was practically the only thing in the house
that suggested that 'I' once lived their

a realization took over me
I realized this is just the beginning of a long journey
to heal broken wounds
that I cut so deep

this is just the beginning of a long journey
that I have know idea were its going to end
I pray it has a happy ending
I hope it will be a happy ending

Building bridges

I need to build a bridge with Allah
all those who want to be my friend is welcome
all those who don't like me
it wont effect me
I'm building my bridge with Allah
after that nothing will effect me

all those who want to use me
that's OK my reward is with Allah
all those who want to backbite me
why your so generous
I'm reaping all you good deeds !

If you abandon me
I don't care
If you stay
then I shall love you
either way it wont scratch me
for I am building the strongest of bridges
that shall never break
only if I choose to forget Allah .

'Let go'

Let go of your lust for they will only bring you down Let go of your wants for they will only make you miserable Let go of your ego for it will keep you far from the 'one' Let go of people for the feelings will always make you feel trapped Let go of everything except Allah .

Truth

Truth came to me
its spoke to me pearls of wisdom
it filled my heart with unimaginable love
that i never knew existed

Truth came to me
it sat next to me
its sang to me love and tranquility

Truth came to me it made me feel better
it made me feel warm on the inside
cool on the outside

Truth came to me
it filled me with luminous light
that can only be seen not described

Truth came to me
it changed me
it made me sincere

Truth came to me
simply because
my heart
my mind
my soul
invited it
first as a guest
then considered its proposition
then i excepted with an embrace .

Locked Door

In all the sea of my emotions
That i fight every day
with myself

I know i need to open the door
with the key that sits in my hand
I look through the keyhole
their i see

A beam of light that's so bright inviting me
calling me to peace
telling me i am what you have been looking for
your hopes
your dreams

I try to open the door with the key
the door refuses to open
I push
I try
Still it refuses to budge

I realise then , the only way this door of light is to open
The state of my heart must change
for my heart is the key to that door
the key will only work in accordance with me

So i sit leaning against the door with the key in my hands
asking Allah to help me change my state
For the time being am just looking through the keyhole
looking and seeing whats awaiting me

Its up to me to change
if i don't
Then i am forever leaning against that door
with the key sitting in my hand
while the light shines on the other side