Allah

Do not despair Allah does not love those who despair Do not get angry Allah loves those who bear with it Do not be sad Allah will always be their ready to sooth your heart Do not give up in his cause Allah loves those who keep on trying No matter how many failings Do not lose trust in the one Only the fool would do that .

I need

I need to make sajood otherwise forever I will be trapped in anxiety I need to make dua otherwise I will go insane I need you oh Allah otherwise I will wonder this earth meandering through life with no purpose You are indeed my light you are indeed my hope Oh Allah don't ever let go of my hand don't ever let go of me ....

Hope

Hope is an amazing thing if I was to imagine it I would imagine it as a beautiful box full of all my hopes each one with a different bright colour It would be in gold wrapping paper together with a pretty ribbon That will look absolutely Divine The box would be precious It must be kept safe tucked away in a safe place away from prying eyes Whenever you have a moment of despair go to that special place where you kept that box of hope hidden away from all those envying eyes envying you for staying so happy no matter what may be Now open that special box full of all your beautiful hopes make sure you unwrap it carefully so you can use the same gold paper with the pretty ribbon Now look inside You will find your eyes will be filled with delight so many happy colours you will absorb Now when you are full wrap the box again feeling silly for despairing You go to your prayer mat asking Allah for forgiveness This world is indeed full of hope we just need to make an effort to keep it alive don't let anything take that away from you Despairing will keep you stuck Hoping will keep you going

I can see the light

I can see the light It's right at the end of the road or so the expression goes I can see the light I will get to it eventually I will be their I can see the light all I have to do is walk towards It I can see the light yes I will have to walk walk on rocky road's That will cause a few scratches I can see the light It's no problem It's not that hard to get to it all it will take is a little effort I can see the light Ignore all that negative pain just keep on looking towards the light walk right towards it the scratches can be polished away It will all be over soon Soon it will be forgotten remembered when needed I can see the light all things are positive even the negative the light Will keep on burning as long as I keep on hoping.

follow up to ...so you want to change the world ?

It took me a while to finally grasp the concept that for big changes to happen small changes have to start . Its like trying to start to walk before you have even tried to crawl . Muslims these days try to change what goes on back home . politics and so on . that is never going to happen until you acknowledge that YOU have to change . Our homes are messed up yet were crying about whats going on in Palestine ....its because we are messed up that's why the world is the way it is . we have so many diseases in our community i cannot stress this anymore .
A friend told me how Rasool swa spent forty years working on his character, perfecting his character until actual revelation came to him . If the best of men worked on himself for that long then who are we to take such a matter lightly ?. It amazes me when Muslims say well 'am not the prophet' well then don't claim to be his follower . If you say you are aspiring to be like him then you better not come out with comments like that . know ones perfect changing oneself is a struggle.Success is sweeter when you worked hard for it . Change will only happen when we ourselves realize our character defects and actually want to change them . Islam is not appearance the inside is just as important if not more then the appearance . know one is going to enter jennah like that except only by the mercy of Allah .
As a final reminder it is obligation on us as Muslims to perfect our character you don't have a choice on the matter . It might take you a week to change one bad thing in you or might take you ten years , the point is you have to change . Good character is number one in Islam it is what will make family life better , community relations better and society a better ideal place to live in . The day we let go of our ego , the day when we say am sorry i was wrong may Allah forgive me . Is certainly the day when we will have positive change .

so you want to change the world ?

The day they noticed me change
is the day my family changed
the day people noticed their change
is the day the community changed
the day the society notice a community change
is the day when society decided to change
then when the world noticed society change
the world didn't have choice BUT to change .

our ummah

The day we are united is the day we worship the one The day we are united is the day we leave are national flags the day we are united is the day when we become sincere The day we are united is the day we let go of our ego The day we are united is the day we realise we are all partly to blame The day we are united is the day we stop pointing fingers The day we are united is the day when we wake up to our true purpose in life and stop pretending we are living it because we are not !

Trials

Allah's trials just keep on getting bigger Now the trial am going through is the hardest ever makes me scared what the next trial is going to be ? Oh Allah i know you are trying to teach me something Please let me figure it out so i can taste peace to be patient ? to leave ? that is the question Please let me figure it out so i can taste peace I'm getting tired i know i shouldn't complain if i don't complain to you then to whom can i complain ? My mind is running wild analysing each and every situation Scared of failing this trial Allah scared as hell iv failed trials before this I don't want to fail this one I hate regretting I'm tired of learning learning through pain please get me out of this molehill that i have dug so deep I feel like falling inside covering myself with whatever soil is their 'thou shall not exist anymore' The world is better off without me it doesn't need me with my dramatic 'drama' scenes of my life But off course that is haram Islam teaches you to face things rather then run away decisions have to be made whether their wrong or right you must deal with the consequences sadly that's life .

early 20's crisis

I'm 22 , i feel like am going through a mid life crisis . No am not am going through an early 20's crisis , when i turned 20 everything came well crashing down . my thoughts and feelings completely changed . i changed , i feel like well a new person . I don't feel the same am new .iv discovered myself my passions in life everything i should have done in my teens now i have to do it now . now i have big decisions to make inshallah may god make it the best one ameen . If these are the feelings am going through in my early 20's what am i going to have to deal with in my 30's ? who's to say I'm even going to live that long silly thinking about such things .

just like everyone else

Who do you think you are ?
don't you know
your a nobody?
you came from the two most filthy places
just like everyone else
strip you off your status
strip you off your colour
strip you of your nationality
whats left ?
just a soul like the rest of us
with issues like everyone else
so please bring your head down to reality
please humble yourself
realise your just a dot walking this earth
just like everyone else

problems

asalam alaykum , this post is about well problems . i hate calling them problems because it sounds so negative . problems can be so positive if only we could always see that .i think about everyones problems . to the extent i wish i could just stop thinking! its drives me mad , I'm actually planning on making a list of every ones problems i know so far then sitting and making dua for each one . for some reason that would make me feel better . i cant change the situation for them only they and allah can do it . but at least i can make dua which most underestimate the power of this tool . dua has pretty much gotten me through life . whenever i have any issue its dua and sajood now . suddenly i feel a huge burden has been taken from me .

problems are going to inshallah get me to allah . now getting to allah isnt an easy path theirs going to be lots of rocky patches , winding roads that i have to walk through ,mountains i have to climb then finally i will find myself sitting i a beautiful surrounding with lots of light . That's my true destination its called peace . its called jennah . we are truly just guests in this world if only we could conceive this . if we would then our problems which just be treated like a pinch of salt . my mantra is 'its just for today don't worry its in Allah's hands' . sometimes i feel i live in a dream like state and everyone else lives i reality . perhaps I'm idealistic .

If i had to ask everyone to inscribe their problems on a huge mountain we would still need more space to inscribe on to it !its madness i think subanallah about this life when i was a little girl how ignorant i was of this world? now I'm all grown up and feel thrown into all of it without no warning .ill end it at that ill continue making dua and try to get knowledge inshallah .

judging

when you see a woman

and you judge her as loose

know that it could have been you



when you see a junkie

and you judge them

know that it could have been you



when you see a beggar on the street

and you judge them

know that it could have been you



when you see a person committing shameful acts

and you judge them

know that it could have been you



stop judging

think

you dont know what they have seen in life
some people dont know better

judgment

when you see a women

and you judge her as loose

know that she has issues



when you see a person

and you judge them as a junkie

know that person has had a broken life





when you see a beggar on a street

and you judge them, then call them a liar

know that they never had your life



experiences is what makes you who you are

stop judging

think how you can help them

my parents

My parents tried to mould me
but i wouldn't mould
My parents tried to shape me
but i wouldn't shape
My parents tried to control me
but i wouldn't be controlled
then i found tawheed
then i changed forever

Truth

Truth came to me
its spoke to me pearls of wisdom
it filled my heart with unimaginable love
that i never knew existed

Truth came to me
it sat next to me
its sang to me love and tranquility

Truth came to me it made me feel better
it made me feel warm on the inside
cool on the outside

Truth came to me
it filled me with luminous light
that can only be seen not described

Truth came to me
it changed me
it made me sincere

Truth came to me
simply because
my heart
my mind
my soul
invited it
first as a guest
then considered its proposition
then i excepted with an embrace .

Locked Door

In all the sea of my emotions
That i fight every day
with myself

I know i need to open the door
with the key that sits in my hand
I look through the keyhole
their i see

A beam of light that's so bright inviting me
calling me to peace
telling me i am what you have been looking for
your hopes
your dreams

I try to open the door with the key
the door refuses to open
I push
I try
Still it refuses to budge

I realise then , the only way this door of light is to open
The state of my heart must change
for my heart is the key to that door
the key will only work in accordance with me

So i sit leaning against the door with the key in my hands
asking Allah to help me change my state
For the time being am just looking through the keyhole
looking and seeing whats awaiting me

Its up to me to change
if i don't
Then i am forever leaning against that door
with the key sitting in my hand
while the light shines on the other side

forgive me

As i stand in the rain
I plead with Allah
Asking him please forgive me for my weaknesses
please judge me by your mercy
I'm struggling to reach the end
I feel the rain washing over me
I know i brought this upon myself
I realize now my foolishness
Please forgive me for my naivety
Please forgive me for thinking i know it all
I'm asking you sincerely
pleading with you
with nothing left of me except just 'me'
I'm nobody will always be a nobody
I don't know better then you Allah
I admit that now
I was foolish then
Please forgive me
I need you
If you close your door on me now
Then where shall i turn ?
Who will i ask for aid ?
Who will relieve me off my pain ?
I'm sitting down now
All soaked in the rain
In all my silliness
Feelings of shame and guilt
Asking you
pleading with you
forgive me , forgive me .....

Turn to Allah

When you have a terrible day
You just want to scream
just turn to Allah

When your feeling so down
you have lost all hope
just turn Allah

when your feeling betrayed
you just want to curse
just turn to Allah

when you can't see a way out
of a terrible situation
just turn to Allah

when your feeling like
you have no self esteem
just turn to Allah

when your feeling all OK and
the world is at your feet
just remember not to forget Allah
you can then be certain he will remember you !

Painful insecuritys taking over me

My insecurity's is a complex thing in my life
You wouldn't think so by looking at me
my insecurity's vary
At times its mellow
other times its dramatic
then their are times where its painful
really painful
it feels like
A metal wire with sharp edges
winding itself round my whole body slowly ,painfully
almost suffocating me
making it hard for me to breath
my stomach lurching in all different directions
turning ,turning and turning
trying to make it stop
trying to get it under control
trying to fight it
but then i just sit their
letting it take over me .

problems make you wiser! offcourse if you choose for it to be ...

To day i was at a sister house , i visit her every Monday she's wheel chair bound . she cant go out much so its gets lonely for her and she's only 35 . so i visit her every Monday cook her something ect ...she has mashallah 3 children this is like the second visit iv made to her , we soon discovered we have alot in common we both love art and generally into the whole funky side to life . she's a fashion designer very soon i told her am doing a diploma in it , I'm hoping to become a children's fashion designer perhaps we can start something to together ? online ?
i think its amazing how Allah just puts people in your life , i always contemplate the new people that arrive in my life its not a coincidence and certainly not an accident . whenever i experience a problem in my life someone just comes from know were and answerer's a question that i have had on my mind for a while that's not a COINCIDENCE ...that's Allah . Its the little things in life that truly make a difference . If we just contemplate the little things in life you will see how truly this life were living in is for learning . sadly some people just don't get it . some people get it when their in old age . some never get it .
getting to the point about problems . well we spoke about her legs how shes temporarily unable to move properly until inshallah she will have a hip operation (may Allah make it easy for her ameen) . she said how having children changed her , how she doesn't want to blame her children . i said no its not your children its life we change and grow things have to happen for us to realise who we are and are able to tackle things and grow on the inside . rather then grow on the outside stay the same on the inside .
its all about growing and becoming a better person . problems shouldn't be issues they need to be their to make you better 'for you to learn' . look at problems as well a game right how am i going to pass this game ? i need to understand what tools i shall need to win this game then when you win the game you can contemplate and think ahh that's what i needed to know . when you loose the game that's 'OK' you've still learnt something , you can teach others .
But off course its all about whether your interested in learning its all down to you are you interested ?

A sweet text message i recieved today

Happiness keeps you sweet
trials keep you strong
sorrows keep you human
failures keep you humble
success keeps you glowing
but allah (swt) keeps you going

Satan

when i could see Satan in the front
he would come to me from the back
when i recognize him their
he would turn and come to me from the left side
when he realizes i realize his presence
he would turn and come to me from the right side
when i find him their it seems theirs no end
he finally decides to pretend hes not their
but i knew he was their
and he knew i knew he was their
breathing fire
fire of hatred
fire of bitterness
fire of jealousy at how Allah chose me over him
simply because i am human
i can feel him almost breathing down my neck
making me feel sick
he would shift and slide down to the soles of my feet
shaking me every time i walk
telling me you cant get away from me
you will have to fight me till you die
sometimes i would recognize him
sometimes i cant
but i still know hes their
just not sure were
he trys day and night to bring me down
when i see him deceive others
and they cant see it
i scream it is SATAN I TELL YOU !
IT IS SATAN I TELL YOU !
my screams fall on deaf ears
i fall to the ground
my heart filled with utter sadness
how sad is this world
how deceptive this life truly is
something strange started happening to me at that point
a ray of light cut right through to my soul
a little bird perched on my soul
sang to it
sang to it hope
sang to it
sang to love
sang to it
sang to tranquility
its OK
its OK
just keep holding on to that rope
the rope of Allah :)
i say this with nothing on my face
except a smile
a smile of tranquility in all this grief

iman

my iman ?
well it fights for life it picks itself then drops itself into the water disappearing with the rest of the river
then somehow its finds its way back to me
and again i begin my struggle of keeping it alive
theirs something fighting inside me between good and evil why?
am not really quite sure
one day i will find the solution for this struggle
and even then i know i will Wait for a new struggle to come my way
to take away what little imaan i have
but as long as i continue praying and keep myself sincere
then inshallah i know i will win the fight every time
as i have done before
for as i long as i know its only a momentarily thing that will come to pass
so be patient ,be patient ,be patient

'Im the queen of confusion '

I'm the queen of confusion
nothing makes sense anymore
i wish i knew why ?
i have far to many self realizations
they came out of know where
without no warning

I'm the queen of confusion
sure am the queen of confusion
these self realizations have changed me
changed me forever
or so that's how i feel

I'm the queen of confusion
its gulping me down in the confusion of nothingness
I'm despairing
i know i shouldn't

I'm the queen of confusion
so please help me
help me empty this mind
help me rid my mind of this confusion

I'm the queen of confusion
its going to take me into a deep black hole
if i don't stop this confusion now
i will be forever gone
gone into madness

I'm the queen of confusion
this confusion is pushing me
pushing me towards something
am not quite sure

im the queen of confusion
buts its exceptable to be confused
because.....

I know one day i will wake up and all of these feelings of confusion as i like to call it will all make sense one day .Then i will be filled with excitement and joy . I will feel i have succeeded in understanding something , something deep , very deep within me.
This isn't about me this about my journey to my lord
on this journey i must except that i will have to battle many thoughts
that will try to lead me astray
every time i think iv fallen
somehow i manage to pick myself up , as i do i catch the rope of allah .For as long as i hold on to it tight i know
that is my sanctity :)